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windinthemaplesOnly days before our return to Chicago, Daniel and I had a rare evening date. On a lark, we bought a couple scratch off lottery tickets to play, something we do together once or twice a year. We won $4. Daniel and I laughed about it on the way back from the Thai restaurant and figured that, at most, those tickets could have surprised us with $50,000 if we'd won the grand prizes.
"What would you do with $50,000 if you'd won?", Daniel asked.
I told him that I'd give it all away somehow since it was a windfall I neither expected nor needed. Imagine the joy of giving away $50,000, or even more entertaining, buying $50,000 worth of something to give to people in need. I waxed poetic on my imaginary plans for most of the car ride home before it occurred to me to ask Daniel the same question.
"Well", Daniel said with no hesitation, "I'd use $10,000 of it to pay off the loan we took out to remodel the house and then I'd split the other $40,000 into Graeme and Sequoia's (our niece) college funds."
Which, when you think about it, kinda tells you everything you need to know about our marriage. He's practical, I'm a dreamer. I'm the carefree heart, he's the steadfast caretaker. I'm a kite, he's running down below over rocky ground with the string.
~*~
My father was raised by a very stern man. To this day, ninety-two years old, my grandfather has never told a soul "I love you" including his wives, his children, his grandchildren. He's not an evil man, just a man who has never shown the slightest bit of sentiment, a boy raised in impossible conditions during the Depression when his father died suddenly and left their family penniless. He works hard, even today, as a woodworker and patternmaker. I haven't seen him in at least a decade.
I arrived home to Chicago with Graeme on Thursday to find a small box from him at the nursing home. The first package I've ever received from him--ever! Inside, nestled in a bed of packing peanuts, was a little handmade wooden truck, I can only imagine, intended for Graeme. There was a card, too, along with a handwritten note that shocked me even more. The note basically said that he'd decided to send all of the grandchildren a graduation gift of $500. It was signed "Love, Grandpa", two words I have never seen together from him. More astonishing was the card he bought to go with it. It reads:
Life Lesson No. 15: Do what you love...
It's what the world needs from you...it's what you were meant to do.
It was like seeing pigs fly.
~*~
I deposited the $500 into my personal bank account, the money that is mine (birthday money or eBay spoils mostly, since I don't work), that I can spend without accounting for it to Daniel. No compromise, no budget, no practicality, just my money. That brings the balance to $688, the most it has been ever. I love the pure possibility of it, all the things I could buy myself or pay for, and so I keep it and look at the balance and scan through my etsy wishlists and visit the store at Sea Shepherd but hold off spending any of it.
~*~
Yesterday, with a thunderclap moment, I remembered the throw-away lottery ticket conversation. All those witchy feelings went WHHOOOSH! and I'd finally caught up to speed with the messages the Universe was feeding my way.
It is not a coincidence that a couple days after I declared that I'd give every penny of a windfall lottery win to charity, that I'd be tested with an unexpected gift of exactly that, minus two zeros. It is not a coincidence that my grandfather would choose this week to act completely out of character and to send along a graduation gift somewhere between 6-14 years belated. It is not a coincidence that the card he'd pick read like a reminder from a spiritual adviser or the Goddess Herself. This 'graduation' gift came in the form of a test and a wake-up call and an opportunity to do something really fun and fantastic and fulfilling.
$500 is safely stowed away as I keep my ears and eyes open for the opportunity to serve. I've been investigating some local women and children shelters and other local need. I may choose ultimately to bring them $500 of school supplies or toys or books or dolls or fuzzy pajamas.
I'm reminded again, that this is the way living really feels. (How can I be such a dolt? I keep forgetting! I keep going back to sleep!) I am connected, present, emotionally open, and excited. I feel alive and beyond happiness--purpose, service, and radiant, divine Love.
"What would you do with $50,000 if you'd won?", Daniel asked.
I told him that I'd give it all away somehow since it was a windfall I neither expected nor needed. Imagine the joy of giving away $50,000, or even more entertaining, buying $50,000 worth of something to give to people in need. I waxed poetic on my imaginary plans for most of the car ride home before it occurred to me to ask Daniel the same question.
"Well", Daniel said with no hesitation, "I'd use $10,000 of it to pay off the loan we took out to remodel the house and then I'd split the other $40,000 into Graeme and Sequoia's (our niece) college funds."
Which, when you think about it, kinda tells you everything you need to know about our marriage. He's practical, I'm a dreamer. I'm the carefree heart, he's the steadfast caretaker. I'm a kite, he's running down below over rocky ground with the string.
~*~
My father was raised by a very stern man. To this day, ninety-two years old, my grandfather has never told a soul "I love you" including his wives, his children, his grandchildren. He's not an evil man, just a man who has never shown the slightest bit of sentiment, a boy raised in impossible conditions during the Depression when his father died suddenly and left their family penniless. He works hard, even today, as a woodworker and patternmaker. I haven't seen him in at least a decade.
I arrived home to Chicago with Graeme on Thursday to find a small box from him at the nursing home. The first package I've ever received from him--ever! Inside, nestled in a bed of packing peanuts, was a little handmade wooden truck, I can only imagine, intended for Graeme. There was a card, too, along with a handwritten note that shocked me even more. The note basically said that he'd decided to send all of the grandchildren a graduation gift of $500. It was signed "Love, Grandpa", two words I have never seen together from him. More astonishing was the card he bought to go with it. It reads:
Life Lesson No. 15: Do what you love...
It's what the world needs from you...it's what you were meant to do.
It was like seeing pigs fly.
~*~
I deposited the $500 into my personal bank account, the money that is mine (birthday money or eBay spoils mostly, since I don't work), that I can spend without accounting for it to Daniel. No compromise, no budget, no practicality, just my money. That brings the balance to $688, the most it has been ever. I love the pure possibility of it, all the things I could buy myself or pay for, and so I keep it and look at the balance and scan through my etsy wishlists and visit the store at Sea Shepherd but hold off spending any of it.
~*~
Yesterday, with a thunderclap moment, I remembered the throw-away lottery ticket conversation. All those witchy feelings went WHHOOOSH! and I'd finally caught up to speed with the messages the Universe was feeding my way.
It is not a coincidence that a couple days after I declared that I'd give every penny of a windfall lottery win to charity, that I'd be tested with an unexpected gift of exactly that, minus two zeros. It is not a coincidence that my grandfather would choose this week to act completely out of character and to send along a graduation gift somewhere between 6-14 years belated. It is not a coincidence that the card he'd pick read like a reminder from a spiritual adviser or the Goddess Herself. This 'graduation' gift came in the form of a test and a wake-up call and an opportunity to do something really fun and fantastic and fulfilling.
$500 is safely stowed away as I keep my ears and eyes open for the opportunity to serve. I've been investigating some local women and children shelters and other local need. I may choose ultimately to bring them $500 of school supplies or toys or books or dolls or fuzzy pajamas.
I'm reminded again, that this is the way living really feels. (How can I be such a dolt? I keep forgetting! I keep going back to sleep!) I am connected, present, emotionally open, and excited. I feel alive and beyond happiness--purpose, service, and radiant, divine Love.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 03:51 pm (UTC)Holy fucking wow. Wow. How beautiful is this vast, amazing Universe? Pretty amazingly beautiful.
WOW.
(I knew I had to share this with you:)
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
~ Rumi
no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 11:04 pm (UTC)I love how giving and selfless you are, in all aspects of your life.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 01:12 pm (UTC)I really needed to read something like this today. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2010-06-08 06:59 am (UTC)