windinthemaples: A lane of red maple trees in riotous fall color. (peace goddess)
At the end of our Italy/Germany adventure, the three of us spent the long Easter weekend in Munich. All I've mentioned, thus far, is going to Dachau but it wasn't all so heavy and emotionally wringing as that. For most of our time in the city, we enjoyed the warm weather and the plentiful flowers. We rolled around in fields of dandelions and watched surfers ride the river baffle wave in the huge Englischer Garten. We strolled the old center of town and watched the life-size brightly painted figures of the Rathaus Glockenspiel dance and joust. I ate an impressive array of potato products and Daniel ate a (disgusting) assortment of meat products. We had a lovely vacation time together.

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Onto the photos! )
windinthemaples: (kind)
For the past two years (2009 and 2008), I've spent time looking back over my journal, my photographs, and my calendar to remember just what it was the past year delivered into my life. It is a recap and an act of acknowledgment and gratitude. This year I have just as many things to be thankful for. Thank you, 2010, for delivering all of these moments of unexpected clarity, unconditional love, challenge and perfectly imperfect existence to me and allowing me to spend this year with those who enrich my life so thoroughly. But seriously, 2010, you kicked my butt and raked me over the coals and while I wouldn't want to trade these experiences, I'd rather not repeat them. Okay? :)

January

January was such a difficult month. We'd driven down, over the Christmas break, to South Florida to begin our experiment in snowbirding for the winter. I got food poisoning on the drive down and we were forced to cancel a trip to Disney World. Once ensconced at my mom's vacant condo, that food poisoning morphed into the worst illness I've ever experienced. I was sick for weeks and nothing seemed to shake it. We realized, a bit too late, that Daniel realistically had to travel 5 days a week to keep up with work demands, so we got to spend very little time with him. My aunt and cousin, who became our new neighbors, never wanted to visit (especially with me being mysteriously ill), so I was profoundly alone. And sick.

A few weeks in, I woke up with the worst back/ovary pain of my life. I was pretty sure I was dying. Thankfully, that was Daniel's night of the week to be with us and he got me to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with a severe urinary tract infection and a kidney stone about the size of a marble. Clearing up the UTI eliminated my pain and I didn't have the support I needed to go about surgery for my kidney stone, so I stepped firmly into 'necessary denial' and went about my life as best I could. I hoped maybe the stone would magically disintegrate or lie dormant for years. (It didn't.)

There were pluses to a month in Florida. Graeme flourished under the warm sun and wide horizons of a suburban, outdoor existence. We played at the beach and the park. He rode his tricycle along the palm-lined sidewalks. We went to visit the animals recuperating at the Busch Wildlife Sanctuary and the Loggerhead Marinelife Center. We taught him how to play tee ball in the yard (our first experience with a yard!) and he got a baby bed and slept alone for the first time. Everything about him glowed. His vocabulary began to accelerate dramatically. He was deeply happy.

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I tried, in vain, to get myself untangled from a mess with PayPal over my inadvertent use of a "Donate" button to raise money to buy pajamas for The Pajama Program. It never worked. I couldn't escape the red tape but in the process my efforts to collect and donate 500 warm pajamas was derailed--deflated. It was an emotional defeat I just didn't get over easily.

A Month-by-Month Recap with Photos Under the Cut )

What in the world will 2011 hold?

I can't imagine.
windinthemaples: A lane of red maple trees in riotous fall color. (peace goddess)
I have a couple days to plan menus, wrap, and finish cleaning the house in advance of our Christmas houseguest. :) It seems a wonderful time for me to take an internet hiatus. :) I hope that the tail end of 2010 treats you well! :) Get outside, see the sights! :) Here's some from my neighborhood:

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(No more hunting for seaglass here!)

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Blessed, Blessed, Blessed Be!
windinthemaples: A lane of red maple trees in riotous fall color. (everything changes stars)
On Sunday morning, there was no mistaking the fact that it had shifted into autumn. I'd arrived, Friday afternoon, wishing I'd packed bug spray and shorts and now it was misty and cold and everywhere I was seeing the first glow of color on the changing leaves. The night before, walking to ritual, there had been something like diamonds winking from the dark grasses beside the path, little landbound fireflies sending a few more messages out into the night before the seasons turned. I had never seen anything so amazing in the natural world as those motionless, pulsing stars at my feet.

Others were awake before me, and everytime the cabin door by my headboard opened and hissed closed, a draft of damp, chilly air wafted over me and tempted me to abandon my warm bed. It finally succeeded. I got dressed, packed my things into my carry-on bags, and then took my camera out into the land one more time. Everything was cloaked in mist, still and quiet, restful and contemplative. All was well with me, truly well.

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I walked the path up to the main house for breakfast. Someone had a deck of tarot cards out for a morning card draw with the question of, "What are you bringing home from Diana's Grove this weekend?". I drew the Five of Swords, or in this Celestial Tarot deck I was pulling from, the constellation Pegasus. Not sure what to make out of it, as it certainly didn't feel very comforting or welcome a gift to bring back from the Grove with me. :)

After a final session with my Circle of Support, the whole group got together for a fare-thee-well check-out. Everyone got a few minutes to share a memory from some time at the Grove in the past and a memory from this weekend in particular. I felt just overwhelming gratitude. The community there is extraordinary, the women who founded it inspirational, the commitments that people have made to keep it growing and vibrant remarkable. I am lucky to have found Diana's Grove while it existed in this incarnation, on this land. I can't help but wish I'd arrived sooner, somehow, that I'd been able to go through the leadership training programs, but that is small potatoes compared to the blessed sense of gratitude I was feeling. I loved every person in that room. My soul was perfectly content--at peace, at home.

After hugs and goodbyes and another delicious lunch, I had a few hours to myself before it was time for me to leave for the airport. The Grove got quieter as cars rumbled down the gravel roads and away. The bunks in our cabin were stripped, one by one. I decided to go and walk, by myself, the big labyrinth mown into the meadow. I have walked by that labyrinth so many times and never stepped in. I never really understood what, beyond a meditative aid, a labyrinth was meant to deliver. I overheard someone say that you must consider what you're looking for in the middle before you begin the walk, so I stopped on the threshold and considered what it was that I needed to find in the center of that winding coil. There was only one thing, and I didn't consider it to be related, at all, to my letter to Persephone. (Though I realize now, they very much were.)

In the center of the Labyrinth, I hoped to find self-esteem... )
windinthemaples: A lane of red maple trees in riotous fall color. (G&I)
Our mother/son Alaskan cruise experiences refuse to be corralled into a linear account. They are bubbling and collaging together into something more spiritual, abstract, and dreamlike. The thought of leaving so much untold bothers me, though, because my memory is so shoddy without a point by point blog entry to refer back to later. So...I don't know quite where to go.

You can start here on our Flickr site where I have 170 photos from our trip.

Here, from September 2006, is an entry where I talk about the same cruise itinerary that I took with Daniel in our more adventurous, childless days.

I was glad that I'd been on that same cruise before so I didn't feel as distraught when toddler-needs prevented me from doing certain things. Because of Graeme's sleep schedule and interests, we didn't attend any of the shows, restaurant seatings, or other cruising entertainments. There was no fancy meals, no live music, no late nights. The first night onboard set the tone when he conked out in the room for the night by 5:30pm, just an hour after we'd set sail! Luckily, the room was perfectly suited for long hours spent in it. It was comfy and spacious and had a private balcony to deliver the sights for me even when Graeme wasn't interested. When I wasn't taking photos or using my binoculars to scan the seas for whales, I was able to relax and read books or watch videos on my laptop. I had so much time to read, in fact, that I was over-the-moon excited to find books for 75 cents at a Salvation Army in one of the ports to restock my supply. There was a strange quasi-historical fiction bend to all of them, part interests, part sheer coincidence, that contrasted sharply with my ultra-modern surroundings.

Cruising Booklist
The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory
The Other Queen by Phillipa Gregory
The Raging Quiet by Sherryl Jordan
Elizabeth I: Red Rose of the House of Tudor, England, 1544 by Kathryn Lasky
The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale


The ship transported us where we wanted to go and became a comforting homebase for our adventures. The Market Cafe's anytime buffet suited our changing schedule and provided an endless supply of bread rolls, chick peas, sliced fruits, steamed veggies, and unremarkable curries. Room service delivered covered dishes and the makings for hot tea while I sat out on the balcony with my books and binoculars. In port, we sought out local coffee shops for quick meals and kept Luna/Lara/Odwalla bars in my pack for instant snacks. None of it was gourmet, or even good, but it was toddler-friendly, convenient, and totally acceptable.

Within a day, Graeme had learned his way around the ship. It was astounding, really, that he could find our cabin when there were hundreds and hundreds of identical doorways on floor after floor. He navigated the elevators (counting the floors as they showed up on the display) and the decks with ease. Quickly, his interests narrowed to a few key places: the video arcade (where a handful of driving simulators caught and held his attention), the Under 2 Zoo (where children his age could play with their parents--essentially an unused lounge room with an awesome view and some uninspiring toys to play with), the Photo Gallery (where we played the "can you find the picture of Mama?" game), the Promenade Deck (where we could run around the entire ship's deck), the Library (where children's books could be read), the Buffet (where every staff member knew and welcomed him), the Gift Shop (where a steep entrance ramp provided much running and jumping fun), and finally Home (the cabin, where Blue's Clues, Sesame Street, and Yo Gabba Gabba! are available 24/7 on Mama's laptop).
Behind here, for the morbidly curious like me, an actual account of how much everything cost. Because really, that's a big secret in the cruising world and I'm gauche enough to tell you. )

What we paid for wasn't the cruise ship amenities, but the opportunity to see the otherworldly beauty of Southeast Alaska and to live on the sea, sunrise to sunset, moonrise to moonset, for seven glorious days. There are colors in Alaska that no camera can capture adequately--the teal turquoise brilliance of glacier-silted waters, the blue-black of stark fjord cliffs, the impossible blue at the heart of icebergs glittering in the sun. There are sounds that spoke directly to my soul--the huffing breath of a giant humpback whale, the cry of hundreds of seagulls cycloning over a bait ball, the eerily comforting sounds of a ship curving itself over waves, the creak of the metal fittings and paneled ceilings, the whine of the wind through the gaps in a door, the bone-finger tapping of wooden hangars against the inside of the wardrobe. We lived in a world of waves and mist, more often than not alone, experiencing a place where nature still is obviously in control, the landscape touched only occasionally by human intervention. We were in this giant metal ship, a trophy of human ingenuity, and yet that Sea Lady in her gray satin gown could have squished us like a pea at any point. How thrilling and appropriate, small and vulnerable, part of the cycle as we ought to be. One magnet I got from a local artist reads, "Life is Good. Death is not Bad." Somehow, living that plugged in did make the other side of the bargain of life seem accessible and good in some way I can't explain. The exquisite beauty of an embodied life as a transitory experience.

The animals! Oh, the animals! We had pods of dolphins crossing our bow, escorting us along at speeds of something like 18 knots. My photos never captured our companions more than just a grainy Big-Foot-esque bit of footage. They weren't there for the photography. When I looked with my eyes I saw incredible things and when I fumbled and fiddled with my camera, missed almost all. You must trust me then, that the dark sinuous form of humpback whales curving from air to water was breathtaking. Everyone on board had their own whale stories--chance sightings as we barreled along. A spout out the window at breakfast, a tail waving as they towel-dried their hair in the room, the sound of their breath in the dark at night. Private, personal visits to us--nothing showy, nobody stampeding to the rail to see them. Three sea gulls, flying low to our wake, kept me company for what seemed to be the entire cruise--always just off our starboard side, straight out from my balcony windows.

The shore excursions were such lovely opportunities to see more. In Skagway, we took an old narrow-gauge railroad forty miles up the pass to Canada, following the route of desperate goldseekers. In Prince Rupert, a First Nations boat took us out to see more whales in some remote and exquisite bays and shorelines. In Juneau, what I'd intended to enjoy as a hokey 'pan for gold' excursion turned out to be the chance to pick up gorgeous rocks along a wild and scenic creek bed and to pan its finger-numbingly cold sands for gold flakes--successfully.

Our trip was beautifully bookended by days in Seattle visiting Daniel's sister, Deborah, and our soon-to-be-a-teenager niece, Sequoia. Happy long summer days together--picking wild blackberries for cobbler, visiting the farmer's market, padding barefoot through their new home, laughing at the park as Graeme swings and says, "Weeeeee!".

Select photos from our days on the sea. )

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