windinthemaples

What.the.fuck. Excuse my French.

So, you may know, that three plus years ago I had a nightmarish visit to my relatively new dentist. The words "incurable gum disease" were tossed out along with a grueling and lengthy video introduction to gum surgery, tooth removal, and dentures. There was laughing and hilarity and she told my husband she'd put the video on to scare me into flossing more regularly. I never knew, though, and the humiliation combined with my pre-existing phobias backfired on her stupid plan, whatever it was, and I never went back.

This morning, I had a consultation with a dentist downtown who specializes in sedation dentistry. I wasn't sedated but everything about the experience was pleasant. They took 19 x-rays, photographs, and measurements. He poked around a little. Mostly, though, he sat with me and asked about all the bad experiences I'd had at a dentist. For an hour and a half, we sat and talked about dentistry, my history, and what I needed to feel not-terrified. (Compassion, honesty, adequate anaesthetic.) There wasn't the slightest bit of reproach for how long it'd been or the condition they found things. I was honest. I floss everyday now but didn't always. I'm a frequent, diehard toothbrusher and swisher of hygienic washes. I wish my bottom teeth weren't all jumbled together--I should have worn my retainer longer. I laid everything out on the table and he promised to always give me the best advice he could, to show me what my options looked like, and then we'd figure out what to do.

So, here's my mindset going into this appointment.

Over three years ago I was diagnosed with incurable gum disease and I know that I've missed a crapton of cleanings and maintenance and maybe surgery and root canals and false teeth implants in the intervening years that I've been cowering with my head in the sand. I will go and throw myself to the Fates and trust that I am strong and that a compassionate dentist will do his best to make it as not-bad as possible.

Okay? So you want to know what he said about my gums and my tooth decay and all the stuff I need?

I have three old amalgam fillings (almost 15 years old) that are degrading and need to be replaced. I have no further decay. My gums are fine. I need a cleaning and then another one in six months. Flossing everyday is good. I don't need to do anything else.

What.the.fuck.

For three and a half years I have tortured myself mentally! Every single day I've felt ashamed and terrified and past-saving because I have an "incurable gum disease". For three and a half years, I've hidden out from the dentist, unable to work up the nerve to face my impending gum surgery/tooth extraction/what-have-you and here I'm being told they'd like to update some super old fillings and clean my teeth???

Which should tell you that three years ago, when those fillings were still in good shape and I'd just *had* my cleaning, that my gums were probably in the same shape and absolutely, perfectly fucking fine.

I'm equal parts relieved, grateful, delighted, vindicated, and pissed.

I love my new dentist. I'm going back for my fillings and my cleaning in the next few weeks and then I may treat myself to some Zoom! whitening and maybe those invisible teeth straightening trays. Possibly a spray on tan and a new pair of dancing shoes.

I'm no dental floss angel, obviously, but I'm not the diseased devil I thought I'd been, either.

Unbelievable.