(Temple of the Twelve) White: Never Close the Book

[windinthemaples]

This lunar month, I'm studying the essence of White as part of my year with sacred12novices. The work puts me into an interesting position because I know, before I've even gotten to the heart of the month's work, that White is one of those colors that calls me, that I serve already through Isis. I know that the balance between Black (and my work with Death) and with White (and my work with Isis) are central to my spiritual place. I know that so much of my Libran energy is about balancing those two essences, those two Truths, those two footholds in the world. I'm not sure where it will go but I've got the moon to discover that.

I don't know much about White as the author of Temple of the Twelve perceived/sculpted Her. I know within the story the main theme seemed to be innocence or purity reclaimed. In a WitchVox article she wrote about the Colors, elfinecstasy suggested those who serve White may "see grace, and angels, and...perhaps see [themselves] as crystalline at [their] center". The accompanying workbook to the first volume of the series suggests that those serving White might be judges, mediators, or philosophers. So I'd had a couple very logical, thought-filled days with White but none of it felt alive to me or flipped that insight switch of mine. How did this relate to me? What could I pull from the material that hadn't been said? That's the part of my spiritual process that just takes time and attention and a little bit of serendipity. Things have to percolate with me.

~*~



I got a postcard in the mail advertising some sort of seminar for women. I couldn't tell you more than that--it was sorta colorful, oversized, two-sided and there were a ton of words and tiny shrunk down pictures on it--but it was junk mail and dropped straight into the recycling bin. There was one name, though, on the card that stuck in my head and I had to Google her the next day. Abby Rike. I'm out of the loop but what I learned was that in 2006 her husband and both of her children (one 5 and the other a few weeks old) were all killed in a car accident. A car ride that, for one reason or another, she should have been along for but wasn't.

Can you imagine?

Her entire family was killed suddenly. Nobody survived the crash. I've spent days thinking about this, imagining myself in her position, talking it over with Daniel. It isn't that they died--I mean, we are all headed towards that end--but that they all went together, without warning, without time for a goodbye, so unexpectedly young and that no possible tale she told herself the day before the accident about where her life was going could have included the possibility that her partner and her children would both be gone from her the next day. What happened to the book of her life on that day? I still cannot imagine. Some of you may have heard of her because she was on Biggest Loser a weight-loss reality show here in the States. She lost a lot of weight, got some of her desire to get up in the morning back, and since then has become a Christian inspirational speaker. Her new motto is that even in your darkest days, there is hope.

~*~

mermaiden has been posting this past week about Creation versus Destruction. In her case, a lot of what she said had an artists' call to arms to it, but I took it differently. I had this picture-perfect image of two types of people in the world. Those with spools of fine thread that they cast out in an effort to build new bridges and connections between people and those armed with tiny sewing scissors cutting the threads cast their way or hacking angrily/jealously away at webs they saw forming between other people. Trying to sever, to destroy, what is ephemeral but binds us tightly to each other, heart to heart. Is life inherently blessed or cursed? Is the glass half empty or half full? Are people basically good or basically bad? Do you trust? Do you connect? Do you throw out a line or do you cut? Are you wielding thread or scissors? Are you here Creating or Destroying?

~*~

I was washing dishes as Daniel collected his keys and prepared to go to work. We've been riding an emotional rollercoaster with our housing situation this past month. The hardest part is that we've both envisioned our life here for a long time to come, the next year or two when we can go from being renters to owners of this damned old dame of a house we occupy. We've lovingly sketched it out in our minds and done more mundane things like paying ahead of time for our snow plowing service and enrolling our son in the city's ballet class. Suddenly, that may not be an option we're given. We aren't in control of whether we stay here or are forced to move. That's the hardest part, we decided as I scrubbed blueberry pie stain off one of my vintage plates. We would have to reinvent the stories that we tell each other about the future. We'd have to reimagine holidays in a different place. We'd have to scramble to find a new normal. And that's okay, I guess, once we know for sure and can decide which way to lean.



So that's where I've been. I was driving in the car and thinking about water and needing to Windex the inside of Graeme's window, smudged by little fingers, and Isis' voice clear as day said,

Do not close the Book of your Life. Only Death can do that.

Every day, a new white page. Every day, the chance to Create something. Every day, open to change everything about myself.

"I AM" is not static and yet, so often, I treat it as if it is. It's like I'm ready to write the back copy on my Life's Book. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a witch and priestess. I am afraid of drowning. I am out of shape. I am unhappy with some things in my life. I am inspired to do more to connect in my community. I am the victim of x, y, and z. I am certain of these things: _____________________. I am lonely. I am tired. I am disorganized.

That only applies if I keel over and die right here. In ten minutes, ten days, ten years--all of those strong I AM statements could have changed. I do not get to close the Book of my Life. I do not get to title it, come up with chapter headings, or even choose the photo for the front. I certainly don't get the job of summarizing what it says on the back. It is a fluid process and everyday is a new day to Create. I could choose to reclaim my innocence, renounce my fears, restructure my lifestyle, rename my beliefs. I could do anything with this perfect, unblemished, White page of new day before me.

There's no obligation to drag my "I AM"s with me. I don't have to be pigeon-holed into a life because it is what I know best. I don't have to write on the old pages--I get a new one every day (every moment, if I wanted). Fresh chances and a wide-open horizon of White.

I can never close the book. I don't know how it will end. I might wish or expect certain outcomes but I could have everything turn upside down today. Tomorrow, I start writing again through my actions, my intentions, and my connections. I toss the thread or wield the scissors. I Create or I Destroy.

White asks me to create myself anew each day. I am never too far down the path or hopeless, stained, scarred, irredeemable. I just flip to a new page and begin, anew, unblemished.

I AM is sacred, yes, but it can change at any moment. What new I AMs will I create today?

Comments

[lenaperry.livejournal.com]

I really, really loved this entry. <3

I really hope your home situation gets figured out soon. I know that when I had an uncertain housing situation before we bought our house that I was absolutely racked with anxiety. It's such an uprooted feeling, and I hope that everything gets sorted for the most positive outcome.

Also, I hope I have a spool of thread, but I think I keep dropping it and chasing it as it merrily rolls away under some shrubs...and the end of the thread I'm holding gets tangled, so I find myself sitting and untangling too often, losing out on opportunities to cast that thread forth, out to others...

[neva-butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks for bringing us along on this journey. I lot of this spoke to my situation too--I tend to slip into thinking I won't change and my life won't change, when in fact it's always shifting and moving and giving me opportunities for fresh starts.